Revolutions

This is me and the hunk of tree I cut off today!

My beautiful Christmas tree!

When I was in elementary and junior high (I think it should still be junior high and not middle school by the way), I was a dancer. I tapped, and I danced ballet like I was born to move to music. My body was fluid, and the music I danced to effervescent champagne sparkling, bubbling, and popping as I became one with the rhythm. I didn't think, I just moved. Okay, none of that is really true. I was a terrible dancer, but boy did I love it. I was uncoordinated, and I didn't know it. I thought I was great, and I thought I looked so beautiful in my flowing costumes. Tap was my favorite dance class because I loved to be loud, and I liked the life at connected to those silver taps on the bottoms of my shoes. My favorite thing of all to do was spot turns. They are these turns which require precision, and, done right, they look flawless. I never really could do them right, but I appreciated them.

It's interesting, though, because, now, I'm adept at revolutions. The spot turns, see, require one to look at a fixed point and turn the body without turning the head until the last moment then snapping the focus back to the fixed point. These days it seems I fix my attention on a problem, face it on my own strength, and then snap right back to the same problem with the same dilemma over whatever issue I'm facing. I look at the problem and then worry through it and hem and haw until I wear myself out. The last thing I think of is to ask for help.

A prime example is my stubbornness at doing things on my own that usually require at least one man if not more than one and certainly not one lady with an injured shoulder like myself. Case in point, I once moved a couch, a stereo cabinet (the kind for records), and a bed down three flights of stairs at my apartment. I have a broken tree limb in my red bud in the backyard, and I tried to break it all the way out of the tree this weekend. It didn't work. Today even, I bought my Christmas tree, hauled it home, took it into the house, cut off the bottom, put it in the stand, and got it upright by myself. Now, this is the exact same thing I did last year, and last year it was as hard as it was this year. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time doing it, but it really was a comedy of errors. I tried to saw off the bottom of that tree with my grandpa's old saw, and it was so stinkin' ridiculous! I am just thankful I didn't cut off my hand or anything else!

Then, I decided to call Mom for help. My step dad went right out to the shed to get a good saw for me. Let me just tell you, it took less than five minutes with the proper tools. I was so thankful. So, although I was revolving right back to my old pattern of doing things my own stubborn way, the Lord helped me out of my narrow perspective. It's like with the Israelites. They kept turning their backs on the Lord and making their lives more difficult for themselves. Yet, He lovingly kept calling them back to Himself. I'm so glad He calls me back. Hopefully, as time passes, I will learn to make Him my focus point and snap right back to Him. And, as I learn, there's grace in the mean time.

A message from the Lord to the Israelites.


"'Come now, and let us reason together,' says the Lord, 'though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool.'" Isaiah 1:18

eBay

I've been trying to collect little pieces of my childhood on eBay. I'm not sure why I began the process other than a desire for really cool eighties toys, but, I digress. I'm looking for the Little Orphan Annie necklace charm I had until I was about seven. I'm looking for this sweet Glow Worm I had as well. See, there's this girl I used to be, and I'm trying to find her. Maybe I think if I have some of her things like the Glow Worm and the Orphan Annie charm, I can get her back.
She was fierce. Afraid of nothing but the toilet monster, she would ride her bike as fast as she could and she'd sneak onto Michigan Avenue on that bike and back home without anyone knowing. That girl was proud of scabs, and she didn't care how her hair looked (but it always had that healthy kid shine to it until she got it cut into a mullet by her well meaning mother). She laughed and told stories to beat the band. She was fun, and she believed in things with the tenacity of a cat fighting a plunge into the icy garden hose water in a plastic kiddie pool. I lost track of that girl, though. She started being afraid of things. Started being weak and lazy. The girl who used to stay out until the street lights came on and would then look out her window until she feel asleep became an adult who rejoices when it's bed time and keeps her windows closed.
Wait, what the heck am I saying??? That's not really me. Now, I am a lot more jaded than I was when I was a girl, and I know things I wish I didn't sometimes, but the same God who loved me and watched over me then, watches over me and loves me now. Sometimes, I'm sad about the innocence I've lost or had taken from me. Sometimes, I feel dirty and used up, and I feel like that tough girl I used to be got swallowed up in life, but then, praise be to Him, He reminds me that that is just not true. I have been redeemed. Jesus bought me and paid for me, and He has made me clean. It's through His strength that I can do anything. He's made me a person who loves the outdoors. I can't get enough sunshine. I love to sit on my back porch and soak up the beauty of the Lord's creation. I love my family, my friends, and I love that He loves me in spite of all my hangups. I'm still looking on eBay, but I'm not looking for the same thing. I'm looking for these little toys I had when I was little mostly because I like them and they're really neat, but also to remind me that all that sadness, all my yuck, all my sin has been redeemed. Hopefully, this time I'll win the auction.

Isaiah 25:9
"The sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth."

Psalm 103:11-12
"For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

PS I also really loved Strawberry Shortcake when I was a kid.

Tough Actin' Tinactin

This may sound a little gross, but I think I have athlete's foot. Now, that's a little strange to me, because I am not an athlete. I do have feet, though, and they are itchin'! The slogan for Tinactin, Tough Actin' Tinactin, made me really think as I slathered the white gunk between my toes tonight. I'm so much like Tinactin. I can't think how many times a day I act tough. I like to think I can do anything myself. You know, move a couch down three flights of stairs, move a stereo cabinet down those same three flights, or fix my toilet. I'm so set on doing things without asking for help that I think I'm physically incapable of asking for it. This is me acting tough.

I try to do my life on my own all the time, and it wears me out. I get tired and snappy and klutzy. I try to things in my own strength, and I push through and get things done. The whole time though, I'm thinking that I just need some help. I need a recuer. I need someone to tell me I'm not crazy because I talk to my Google homepage. I need someone to eat my dinner with or someone to tell me not to be afraid because I have to sleep with the windows open. I need someone to help me figure out my insurance plan at work. Then, the Spirit reminds me that I am not and will never be alone.
My friend Pete, sometimes called Lee, beautifully delivered the Word this Sunday morning and reminded me that God really is working EVERYTHING together for good in my life. And, if I really believe that, in those moments when I feel lonely, I will recognize them for what they are. Maybe they are reminders that we are not home yet. Maybe those moments are the times when He would have me remember how much He loves me, that He even says He is the shade on my right hand. He's that close, knows me that well, and loves me infintely more than I could ever imagine. Pete also reminded us that one day, we will see the brilliant way our Father has been orchestrating our lives. I was just telling the same thing to someone the other day. We were talking about heaven and what it would be like. Would the questions be answered? What would we learn about our Lord? And the thought I could not escape was that when we get there, we will be overjoyed, awed, amazed at the wonder of His love and His perfect plan. We will see that He has loved us purely, perfectly, and proufoundly throughout each moment of our lives. And so, why should ever feel alone?
The God of the universe is intimately involved in my life, and I am never out of His protection or care. Earlier in the week, I prayed that He would let me see my friend Reagan at school. I just asked that He would let me see her that day. Just before seventh period she popped by my room a walking miracle with the sweetest smile. And I could have shouted for joy (I almost did!)! He answered my prayer right then and there. That's the God I need to believe in, because that's the one I server, not the one I imagine when I imagine myself in miserable loneliness. Thankfully, He is the great God who takes care of me and gives me words like the ones He did this Tuesday. I read Psalms 125: 1-2. Those verses say: "Those who trust n the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever." See! He surrounds me! I never have to be afraid of sleeping with the windows open or feel that I'm alone. God Himself is with me and takes care of me. Ahhhh, there is such freedom in His safety. I hope He will keep reminding me of that.

Mornings with New Mercy

It's Saturday morning! I just checked in on the little frog and lady bug who live on my Google homepage, and they were having sandwiches and sodas. They are so cute I can't stand it! It might be a little sad and cat ladylike that I am obsessed with these critters, but I don't care. Although quite warm, this morning began with such a beautiful pink tint to the sky and a nice breeze that I was instantly refreshed. I cleaned the house this morning and ate some Special K with strawberries. Later, I will sit on the back porch and enjoy the trees and the roses my grandmother planted and God grew. Living in Granny's house makes me think of her all the time, and I wonder what she loved about this house. She lives at Morning Point now. It's an assisted living home which she used to call "Mourning Point" when she first moved in. She was easily agitated then as she was grappling with losing her mind to Alzheimer's. She's to the point now where she doesn't know what's really happening to her and she's much more peaceful. My family and I ate dinner with her on Thursday night. It was delicious chicken pot pie with wonderful, spicy rolls. Before we ate, my aunt Joyce asked her husband Bruce to "return thanks". She made sure we all held hands, and that note of intimacy got at my heart. Then, Bruce began to pray and we all had to strain to hear him. He later said that he does not shout when he speaks to God. Anyway, Bruce prayed for a sentence or two, and then Granny began to pray over him. I cannot tell you how that moved me. It was like breathing for her. She thanked her Lord for the time with her family. She thanked Him for the food, and then she asked Him that He would help everyone get home safely. She closed with: "In Jesus' name I pray, Amen." It was all I could do not to lose it right there. So, I stuffed my face with the dinner roll and washed it down over the lump in my throat with some sweet tea. I was so touched that she, of all things, remembers Who it is that takes care of her. I was so thankful that the Lord gave her a life throughout which He has been the mainstay. She doesn't remember how old she is or the names of her children all the time, but she remembers who her Father is. She knows where to go for help. I'm so thankful that for so many years she walked closely with the Lord because He became her good friend - the only one who knows the intimate places of her mind and still reaches the innermost areas. What a pictures of our Lord's faithfulness! And such a reminder that hope is constant. We are eagerly awaiting a savior whose presence is here even now to guide us, protect us, and provide for us. And all this relationship, loving, living, eating dinner, and praying is possible because of His great mercy. Because, at just the right time, while we were still sinners, He died for us that we may be called sons and daughters of God. I'm praying that He'll remind me this week that even in a situation that seems as hopeless as Alzheimer's, He is the all powerful and consistently loving God who holds His children in His hands and hems them in behind and before. On a side note, I went grocery shopping last Saturday, and I have had a phenomenal week. Coincidence? I think not.

Because I Said So

It's the first Friday of school and I'm at home watching Because I Said So starring Mandy Moore. And, I had Miss Betty's for dinner. What could be better? I mean, honestly, I have the job I've always dreamed of, I'm close to people I love (geographically and emotionally), and the God of the universe loves me and takes care of me. Yet, somehow, in all that blessing, I still worry about things. I guess that's part of being human and not being home yet, but there really isn't a reason to worry. At the end of the day, I have everything I need, and any time I want I can approach the throne of grace with freedom and confidence. It just doesn't get better than that. The icing on the proverbial cake is that the Lord is intimately involved in my life. At just the right time this week, He reminded me of Hebrews 10:39 which says: "We are not of those who shrink back, but of those who believe and are saved." Amen and amen. This is Truth, and it means that when I'm worried about school and whether or not I have the chops to teach, He is sufficient. When I worry whether or not I will ever get married, He reminds me that the church is His bride. When I worry about whether or not the check I wrote for my insurance will clear, He sends His peace with the reminder that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and that I have not because I ask not. When I worry about worrying too much, He reminds me that He said not to worry because He is on His throne and He is in control. So, this week, by His mercy, I'm going to make an effort not to worry, because He said so. And His word is good. Also, I'm going to watch Mandy Moore struggle through finding a mate and I'm going to laugh at her and Diane Keaton with facial mask on my face and joy in my heart. I might also do the dishes. They are starting to smell a little.